You’ve just sat down to build your wedding day timeline, and you’re at the part in the evening that’s sure to bring a tear to everyone’s eye – the speeches! If you’ve been to a wedding within the last century, then you’ve definitely heard a speech or two.

But – did you know that speeches are intended to be toasts? That’s right! While commonly referred to as ‘Speeches” within the timeline, each one is actually a toast! 

Toasts are meant to be quick, meaningful, and memorable, while a speech is meant to be longer, more detailed and dare I say – drawn out. If you’ve never given a toast at a wedding before, it can be nerve wracking thing to think about doing. How much should you prepare? Do you write something top to bottom? What should you say? What should you not say? How long should it be?

I’m breaking it down for you. Taking toasts from baffling to breezy in a heartbeat!

Brides – send this blog post to your wedding party, and parents should they need a few tips for your big day!

What is the traditional order of toasts, and what is each speech for?

Toast to the Bride
Traditionally done by the Maid of Honour

Toast to the Groom
Traditionally done by the Best Man

The Toasts to the Bride & Groom are often done by their Maid of Honour, or Best Man. But, you can ask whoever you want to do them. Think wedding party member, or close friend. The purpose of these speeches is to focus on the bride, and groom, your relationship to them, well wishes of happiness, and to say something positive about the couple and their relationship.

Welcome to the Family
Traditionally done by the Bride’s Family

Welcome to the Family
Traditionally done by the Groom’s Family

The Welcome to the Family toasts are each done by the Bride’s family, and the Groom’s family. For many newlywed couples, they’re considered family well before marriage. But back in the day, getting married was how you officially became a member of another family. The purpose of this toast is to welcome your new family member, and provide positive wishes or antedoes about the couples relationship. It’s not the time to talk about your family, or share general family memories like what summer vacations you used to take. Often, families will talk lovingly about their new family member, and wish the new couple happiness. 

Welcome to the Family toasts are usually done by the parents, but any family member can be invited to do them. 

Thank You from the Couple
Traditionally done by the Newlywed Couple

Saving the best for last – the newly wedded couple will do the final toast. This toast is intended to thank everyone for coming, thank vendors (if you wish), and share additional funny details and memories that may be too casual for wedding vows. Often, a couple will comment on their day as well – from dinner, to the entire experience, noting just how happy they are.

How long should a toast last?
3-5 minutes is best! Think short and sweet, yet memorable.

While sentimentality is a tear jerker, a wedding toast isn’t the time to rehash every memory you have, no matter how funny or heartfelt it may be. Guests become bored and restless when things go beyond this time limit.

If you’re the one giving a toast at a wedding, that means you’re close to the couple. They know how much you mean to them, and vice versa, otherwise they’d have skipped asking you to be a part of their day. 

Pro Tip – If you’re wanting longer speeches over toasts, invite your family and closest friends to speak in depth at the rehearsal dinner. 

What do I include in my toast?
This depends on the type of toast you’re making (scroll up if you need some help), but as a general rule, you’ll introduce yourself, share how you know the couple, your relationship to them, a short story or sweet memory together, and end with wishing them happiness.

What should I skip including in my toast?
Anything that is inappropriate, embarrassing, offensive, or only funny to a select few in attendance should be skipped. No one wants to be reminded of their drunkest moment, or most embarrassing child memory on their wedding day.

Especially off limits is tales and mentions of the bride or groom being in past relationships, or potential hardships the couple may have faced.

Pro Tip: If you have to ask whether you should include something, it’s best to skip it.

Can I just read something from my phone?
We recommend printing off a copy of your speech and giving it to your coordinator. Phones can create feedback, and are awkward to read off of.

Remember, even if you’ve never given a speech, as long as you’re intentional, and respectful wishing the newlyweds well, I promise there won’t be a dry eye in the house.

Photography: Nika Helgeson Photography